I Stumbled

I stumbled, but picked myself up.  I thought I wanted a job, but thankfully realized it was a mistake before it was too late, whew!  I go through this about once every couple of years, usually during the January - March slump.  I get a little depressed maybe, or bored.  I want some excitement.  I want to get out of the house, have an excuse to dress up, meet some new people, try new things, socialize, whatever!  I lose sight of my goals, which are to take care of my health, my family, be good to the earth, and be available for spontaneous moments when they present themselves.  Yesterday, I saw how blessed I am to be able to work at home.  E. had a Knowledge Bowl competition at the school in a nearby town.  It started during the afternoon and lasted until dinnertime.  Would I have been able to get time off work?  Maybe, maybe not.  Fortunately I didn't have to worry about it.  My husband and I sat and watched her through each round and then took her out to dinner after.  It's a different sort of spectator sport (no cheering!), but interesting, kind of like being in the live audience at a game show, although we had to be totally quiet.

On the drive home I had time to think about what life would really be like day-to-day if I were to get a job:  What would E. do during the summer?  No more lazy days at the ranch.  No more spontaneous day trips with Dad.  I'd have to find someone to take care of her all summer and after school.  And sick days?  Perhaps Dad could take a day off and take care of her, but as much as he loves her, no one does it like Mom does;)  And what about all my lovable li'l critters!  Oh, forget it, I'm staying right where I am!  My thrift-shop jeans and sweatshirts are just fine, and before I know it, it will be spring again.  You know what I really think I need is a puppy...a Corgi puppy.  Man, I've got Corgi fever so bad!

E. and me.

       So, I just have to keep reminding myself of why I do what I do, I guess, and be very, very grateful.  I have a friend who goes through the same thing in the opposite way.  She, on occasion, thinks she wants to quit her job and stay at home.  But very quickly she realizes that she wouldn't last long at home before she would be missing the stimulation and satisfaction she gets from her job.  We all like to look over the fence once in a while, don't we?